Whenever you’re reading this, I hope you’re having a lovely week so far! As for me, I am doing pretty well- I had a pretty good end to the week last week and a pretty great weekend. I decided to take some time for rest and self-care (it was much less of a decision- my body refused to let me do anything else :)), while also being productive and tending to items that needed completion. Sometimes, checking things off my to do list is a form of self-care, too!
Anywhooo- I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the idea of perfectionism. Truth be told, I am thinking a lot about perfectionism because I’ve been battling with my own. However, it's not like how it used to be. At times, perfectionism used to show up and cause extreme anxiety that was exhausting and even crippling at times. But now- I'm just noticing it say “hay”.
This little perfectionism gremlin, let’s call her Grem, has been coming up this week when completing assignments, starting a new position, and writing and recording meditations. Her words were cruel, and just plain untrue. She would say something to the effect of, “Why are you even doing this? It’s pointless.” or “That’s not good enough.”
But like I said, I feel different about Grem now. I don’t get so caught up in her words. I am noticing them- but not feeling them. Not internalizing them or accepting them as truth.
And I think that's the key word right there- I’m noticing. I’m observing. When we can step into the seat of the observer, it is easier to identify how we are feeling without judgement. There is no attachment to the emotion or the experience- only an observation of what is occurring.
When I stepped into the seat of the observer this week when Grem was coming up, I was able to do something miraculous. I was able to stop and ask myself, “Why is this coming up for me right now?” Because there was non-attachment, I was able to get to the root of the problem. I started to uncover the layers of why Grem, in the form of perfectionism, was showing up. I was also able to make the choice of loving me for ME!! Accepting any so-called “imperfections” and celebrating my true, authentic self. This was HUGE for me!
Because I am taking things much slower, have been committed to my practice, and have been frequently more aware in my everyday life- I am able to stop and unpack experiences like this for myself all the time. Finding more time for silence, stillness, and mindfulness have allowed me to see things from this new perspective- allowing me to completely shift my energy around situations that previously caused distress. I think, just maybe, that's what we might call healing ;)
So, if your Grem ever comes up for you when you’re on the go- here’s a strategy I like to use that usually brings me back to center.
Pause. Stop what you’re doing. If you need to excuse yourself to the bathroom because you’re out with other people- do it!
Take a deep breath in for three, hold for three, and then exhale for six. Repeat this as many times as you need until you feel the quieting of your mind, the relaxation in your body.
Start to peel back the layers and ask yourself, “Why is this coming up for me right now?” See what comes up :)
Also, here are some journaling prompts that I created that came up from this blog entry:
How can I create more time in my life for me?
What is something that you are good at, and that you love doing?
Write about a time you felt your own Grem come up. What would you say to your younger self (even a moment ago was a younger you!) that you needed to hear?
How can you express your authentic self?
Finish the sentence: I am so incredibly, abundantly, and lovingly ________
As always, thank you so much for reading this, and bearing witness to my story. I hope it helps you along your path someway, somehow.
With all the love and light in my heart,